here's to life and love...

5 years ago today, shawn picked me up and took me home. i had not been home for a week. and was scared to go. but ready to go. it was time. i had no idea what was to come but i was ready for the fight. well, maybe i was just not ready to give up completely.

and here i am today. and i am happy. still on some meds. still need my sleep. still have bad days. but i am happy. no thoughts of despair hanging around in my mind. no dark, gloomy clouds hanging overhead. i get out of bed everyday and i do the things a stay-at-home mom does. and it does get monotonous but i am grateful. i wouldn't want it any other way.

i am grateful for life. for my life. for me. for who i am and what i do. i have purpose. and i love.

a far cry from where i was 5 years ago.

so, here's to life and love.

i just can't do anything right...

the other morning...

anna (tear-stained face, red eyes and screaming...): "mom, i am just trying to live a happy life and it's not working because of you!"

all because i make her wear clean clothes and non-sweat pants (jeans) to school.

she's only eight.

what a good mom am i

i told anna monday to let her teacher know that i could help out with the field trip if needed. i tend to wait until the last minute to volunteer--intentionally or unintentionally, i don't know (you see, if you wait until the last minute your chances of actually helping are slim because most people are on top of things but i don't really do all of this on purpose...i am a great procrastinator). anyway, the teacher called to see if i could help out. sure.
well, this field trip was to sylvan lake state park. an outdoor field trip. in the middle of january. with 500 feet of snow. in 20 degree temperatures. for five hours. and it snowed. and i did it.
with my four layers of clothes (not including my long underwear). my coat, my gloves, my boots, my hat with neck gator, and my snow shoes. tromping around sylvan lake. standing the whole day. because i was afraid if i sat down i wouldn't be able to get back up (due to the snow shoes, of course)--and i was right. i couldn't get back up when i fell. the instructor guy had to help me up. quite embarrassing. but i survived. barely.

i should be fired. but that's impossible, now, isn't it

so for being your typical, stay-at-home mormon wife and mom, i suck. i thought i wasn't very good at homemaking because i always had a kid around. boy was i wrong. mikey and anna are in school full-time now, that's 7:50am to 2:50pm--seven full hours of alone time, and my house is still always a mess. dinner is hardly cooked (although i have improved immensely on this one since moving to the middle of nowhere) and when it is cooked, it ain't that great. laundry seems to still always pile up. and for some reason i thought it would change after the kids started school. what's wrong with me? i need some inspiration! or some serious consequences. or maybe i should just come to terms with the fact that i am not that great at keeping house.

now, don't get me wrong. i am not depressed. i just wish i had little magic fairies to come and do my work so i could play or rather so i would not feel so guilty about playing. anyone know where i could find these little fairies?

in the meantime, i guess i will go do my dishes. so i can make something scrumptiously yummy for dinner. oh wait, it's friday. i don't think i cook on friday. and besides that, i cooked last night. so maybe i don't have to do my dishes now. wow. i feel great.

just call me the queen of domesticity

 

this is what i did this week. hah.

25 quarts of peaches for me.

and for my friend, double that. plus, a few quarts of tomatoes. maybe two batches? crazy.

who'd have ever thunk i could be so home-mecky.

mamma mia!

 

highlights from my girls' night out (left to right, starting on top row):

*kathy and seanna riding the elevator (complete excitement here)

*cherae freaked me out as she threw her camera in front of my face from the backseat of the car on the way to denver...lovely

*here we have cherae who can eat (and does eat) everything in sight and doesn't gain a lub...not fair!

*the four of us (me, cherae, seanna, kathy) after our delicious meal at the chocolate factory...yummy

*um, the sign (filler picture)

*cherae lost her fancy shoe in the grate on the sidewalk...that's what she gets for being all foo-foo like that

*after the show, in front of the buell theatre

*i drove. and my car broke down just as we were pulling into the city. perfect timing. to make a very long story short, kathy's dear husband saved us. they have triple a, so the towing was free. sears did a free diagnostic test and a few wires were loose was all. mark talked them out of charging us $100. what a guy. thanks mark!

*more posing

*more laughing and goofing off

*nice view for me...i always get the good heads in front of me!

*cherae brought along "bitty" the gps to guide us through the city...even when we were on foot. thanks bitty!

*my dolce de leche cheesecake...i really want the rest of it now!

all in all, we had a great time! and i can't wait to do it again!

follow-up:

i will try to answer the inquiries of all:

i lied. i was never really on so you think you can dance. but i really think i should be.

i am afraid to admit that i was in a michael mclean movie "if you only believe in yourself". it was sort of a concert video and i was on the front row. and i kept making the raining sound when we were suppose to stop. i have the movie. come by, and i will show it to you...maybe.

as for skinny dipping...we once had a hot tub in our backyard.

and as for running away. it really isn't a pleasant story, but i will tell it. it was about four years ago in the middle of my great depression. i couldn't stand it anymore. so i left one night. i was nice and took the crappy white truck (buttercup, for those of you familiar with our vehicles) so shawn could have the family-friendly vehicle because i fully intended on never coming back. i started north on i-15. i only made it as far as slc downtown. i was crying and couldn't see and i was afraid that buttercup wouldn't make it much further (it was a completely unreliable truck). i made my way to a friend's apartment. she wasn't home and i cried in front of her door for over and hour--with a few people walking by and staring and wondering. she finally made it home and calmed me down. after a few hours, she talked me into going home. she saved me. shortly after that, instead of running away, i had a stay in the hospital. a much better solution than running away.

so there you have it. all of it. aren't you glad you asked?