it's all about choices

"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you do with what happens to you." anonymous

i think i believe this. yes, i guess i do. but i would like to believe the other way around. oh well. it's all about choices.

some new delight

this is a poem i found last night. struck a chord of hope for me with my lovely uninvited guest named depression. perhaps.


This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
--Rumi

mothers day

tomorrow it is. and i am somewhat afraid. five years ago i suffered severe postpartum depression. it was frightening. anna was only about a week and a half old. the memories are vivid. but i am really pursuading myself not to visit there. so far so okay. i have been having a little fit of optimism and i hope to hang on to it through tomorrow. my children are beautiful. they deserve the best. they deserve me, their mother, to love and teach and care and play and be around for them. and i intend to do all i can to show them happiness and love (thank goodness for modern medication and psychotherapy).

5 years old

anna elizabeth turned five years old today. i have been a mother for five years. she is beautiful and smart and happy. she is good. she is five. time does fly... i want shawn and i to be the number ones in her life. until she is old enough to find a number one of marrying quality (long time away right?). i love her. she is truly remarkable. and to think shawn and i created this cute little being into which her soul belongs. i am humbled and simply amazed. God knows what he is doing.