pop quiz

is this:

a) a moondust rock that landed in our little plot of land and i discovered with a fine-tooth comb the other day as i groomed our grass

b) a dinosaur fossil one collected from an outdoor adventurous field trip to find arrowheads and other such saved-in-the-earth prizes

or

c) a nicely decayed and broken molar from a pretty little six year old's obviously rotten mouth

if you guessed a, i would like to say you are right, although i imagine a moondust rock to be pink and sparkley. i would even be happy for b. however, the correct and ugly truth is c. and i am sad to say the pictures don't quite do the real thing justice--it is just plain ol' nasty. plus, it cost about $120. merry christmas, my dear child.

p.s. do you think the tooth fairy should bring money for a tooth like this?

retakes, please

so i decided to try to take christmas card photos. here are a few of the results:














camera is over here, look!













anna, your eyes. please, normal!















anna, open. mikey, smile...it's not that bad.













hold still. mikey, don't be a camera hog.



anna, the eyes. it's not funny anymore.

i would like to say that depression comes at odd times but really it is always just lurking about waiting to strike at any precise moment. i am trying to stave it off but i am afraid i will fail. tis the season i suppose. tis always the season.

just in case santa came early

mikey checked under the tree this morning first thing.
"dust in dase" he said.

brilliant child of mine

we started trimming the tree today. i love my red glass bulbs. soo pretty. and so far, i have used them every year--even after the year my shall-renameless friend's 18 month old tried to eat one like an apple (she survived with no injuries--just a nice emergency bill--sorry friend).
however, this year due to a few more casualties (of the red bulbs, not children) than on other years, and as to the request of shawn (he kept walking by the tree and knocking them off causing the casualties), i decided to remove the ones we had already put on and put them away for a season (much to my dislike). anna helped me.
we had almost all of them put away when anna found a tear drop ornament that was red and shiny. it was plastic. i told her to put it back on "it is plastic". due to her nature she questioned me, "are you sure?" "yes anna" i replied. well, apparently she doubted me. she proceeded to huck the ornament to the nice hard tile. it bounced a bit. "yep, mom, you are right." i guess it is a good thing i was right. little stinker.

compliment of the day

anna talking to shawn while making gingerbread houses:
"daddy, you are soooo fabulous!" then she turned and saw me and said:
"oh, your good too mom."
that's so good to know, anna. thank you. and how do i get a "fabulous" compliment?

motherly duties

last night mikey had a little accident--really it was quite big, but anyway. as i was in the middle of doing my motherly duties anna walked in. she looked at me and looked at him and looked at the mess and replied, "i am NOT having a boy." then she turned and walked out. i suppose she doesn't remember the messes she made.

thanksgiving for the burtons

what a great weekend. we spent our 10th straight year of thanksgivings at shawn's parents in mesquite. i have not been home to my house for thanksgiving in 10 years. and really, if i don't think to much about it, i am fine with it. thanksgiving with the burtons, christmas with the granquists. it really works out well.
shawn golfed 4 of the 5 days. i read, watched tv and movies, and really did nothing--much to my liking. the kids played with some cousins. anna had an all girl sleepover with aunt cami and the other girl cousins. we went four wheelin' in kc's (shawn's youngest bro) 60-something bronco all decked out with roll bars and big tires and axles and who knows what else. and we also went out in the rhino--a four-wheeler for two. i love it. mikey could not get enough of it. hop on and ride through the arizona desert (just across the street) to your heart's delight. the weather was spectacular for such a weekend.
a bonus this year: shawn's uncle gave us his room at the paris saturday night and took us to dinner. a mini vacation within the vacation. shawn's parents watched to kids. it was great.
we had a very nice thanksgiving weekend, indeed.

thank you notes...for a thankful day

dear mark eubank,
thanks for all the swoops and whishes and the other great noises you make for an exciting weather report. i am so sad to see you go. however, i am glad you passed on the white coat. it makes snow days so much lighter.
a faithful viewer,
liz burton
---------------------------------------------

dear soapnet,
thank you for all the reruns of 90210. it is so good to get caught up again and again. and i am so excited to watch the first episodes starting next tuesday. we belong together.
tfa (true friends always),
liz burton of 84047

----------------------------------------------------------

dear in-laws,
thank you for letting us come every year to celebrate this holiday with you. it's great to be where it is warm. thanks for letting us ride the rhino. thanks for loving our children. thanks for being so good to us. thanks for the day-after thanksgiving buffets. thanks for your son. i couldn't ask for better in-laws.
sincerely,
liz

----------------------------------------------

dear jeans,
thanks for being stretchy and growing with me this year.
lovingly yours,
liz

------------------------------------------------

dear 7693 lincoln street,
thanks for letting us in and taking us in. it has been a hard transition but you have helped ease the pain.
yours for a little while,
liz

---------------------------------------------------

dear alice,
thanks for being mine. i love your purr and your playful ways.
bff,
liz

-----------------------------------------------

dear president of the would-be writers,
thanks for a great writing prompt.
sincerely,
lizzie

---------------------------------------------

dear anna,
you are so beautiful and smart. i can't believe you came from me. but i am so thankful to be your mother. i love when you dance and sing. i love when you read to me. you are the best daughter ever.
love,
mom

-------------------------------------------------

dear michael,
thank you for your beautiful smile. you always light up a room. thank you for being so good. you make being a mother easy for me. even if you are completely potty-trained yet.
love,
mom

-----------------------------------------------------

dear shawn,
thank you for loving me and putting up with all my craziness. thanks for a great marriage.
love,
liz

-----------------------------------------------------------

dear family,
really i could not survive life without you.
love you oodles,
your daughter, sister and friend

--------------------------------------------------------

dear thanksgiving,
thanks for the turkey and tatoes and gravy and cranberry and rolls and yams and all the rest of the good stuff. you are the best holiday for eating!
forever,
liz

mikey: "mom, i got all my running cothes on. i got my running pants. i got my running dirt. i got my running detdirt. i got my running dooes. do dey have running pool-ups?"
me: "sorry, bud, i don't think they have running pull-ups."

no, he is still not quite trained. potty YES! poop no.

just bragging...

although i shouldn't brag. i was suppose to have them done last christmas. but i made matching pillows to make up for the lateness. huh, i suppose it could just be early this year.

katie had been looking for cute matching quilts for her girls' room. she couldn't find any in her price range. so, i made them for her.

i really think they turned out great--super cute! those lucky girls.

a quiz going around plus extra questions a friend sent back to me

1. FIRST Name: Elizabeth
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? yeh, i think so. a great great grandmother or something. i really should find out more about her
3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? i really don't want to admit it but i cried sunday night while watching desperate housewives--it's not just bad enough to watch dw but it's worse to cry during it. i think i need medication.
4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? most of the time. sometimes i try to change it. it really doesn't work
5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Honey ham
6. KIDS? what about them...two girl boy 6 4 respectively
7. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? definitely!
8. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? lots of volumes
9. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? me? never!
10. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yes
11. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? i did--a long time a go with a guy that loved me but i didn't really even like him. i told him he stunk (because he did) and his sister called and yelled at me. i had to apologize
12. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? reese's puffs and cheerios
13. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? no, not usually. i have to untie them before i put on, so why should i untie them when i take them off?
14. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? not really...at least i don't have much upper body strength and i have a low tolerance to pain--i get a hang nail and i take an alleve. mentally, i am probably stronger than i think i am although, i did cry during a really stupid show--need medication.
15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? lately, snelgrove's parlor creation strawberry cheesecake
16. SHOE SIZE? 8
17. RED OR PINK? both and together
18. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOU? where do i begin--i cry during dw and i can be messy...at times
19. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? shawn, luckily he comes home every night
20. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? this is a lame question
21. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? blue jeans, brown sneakers
22. LAST THING YOU ATE? cocoa puffs (that should be with my cereal favs)
23. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? bluish blackish
24. FAVORITE SMELLS? fresh laundry and new babies, shawn--even when he is stinky, fresh cut lawn, alyssum, rain,
25. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? shawn
26. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU AREATTRACTED TO? smile
27. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Yes, most of the time:)
28. FAVORITE DRINK? pepsi, unless it's coke from mcdonald's or cafe rio
29. FAVORITE SPORT? probably baseball but i really enjoy watching golf on sundays
30. HAIR COLOR? it used to be blond
31. EYE COLOR? depends on the day but mostly blue--really blue when i cry
32. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? yes...and i hate it
33. FAVORITE FOOD? depends, but i am definitely a carnivore
34. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? definitely happy endings
35. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? last half of breakfast at tiffany's. i realized i had never really seen it. it was okay.
36. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? white
37. EXERCISE? what?
38. SUMMER OR WINTER? fall but if i had to choose it would be winter
39. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs
40. FAVORITE DESSERTS? really dense chocolate cake or cheesecake
41. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? me
42. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? um, you maybe
43. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? nothing, although i am looking for something good...annie, i put that copy of pride and prejudice in mom's bathroom thinking i might read it sometime
44. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? oriole park at camden yards...home of the baltimore orioles
45. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? ksl news for a special piece on depression they were advertising...not impressed
46. FAVORITE SOUNDS? anna, mikey and shawn's laughter (he doesn't laugh out loud all that often--so it is good to hear), silence in the night, cat's purr
47. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? i think bon jovi, except that i found out he campaigned for al gore...he broke my heart
48. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? prince edward island
49. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? of course--i can sew and quilt and i love it
50. WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? august 14, 1975 st mark's hospital slc, ut

and these are from andra:
51. IF YOU COULD HAVE A SUPER POWER WHAT WOULD IT BE? Mary Poppins power...I could use a cherry disposition and that snapping power to clean house and get kids to do things you want

52. WHERE DO YOU LIVE? in midvale, of course

53. WHAT SCARES YOU? depression, mental illness, something happening to my children or husband, rotten milk, biting into a rotten tomato, thai food and sushi and really anthing foreign except maybe mexican except that often has onions and i am definitely scared of onions

54. WHERE WOULD YOU GO ON VACTION IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE? i think i would really like to travel the world but i woul LOVE to go to amarillo texas.

55. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BOOK? i really like "the secret life of bees"

56. IF YOU HAD TO GIVE UP ONE OF YOUR SENSES WHAT WOULD IT BE? i don't know. i really love all of my sense. i just couldn't give one up. i would give up a little toe or maybe i would cut my hair off. but i would not give up a sense.

57. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BEAUTY TIP? well, where do i begin, i am so much into the beautification of myself. but how about just smiling. i think that can do a lot.

58. ARE YOU A WAXER OR A SHAVER? definitely shaving, but only about once a week

59. RECOMMEND A RESTUARANT: i love morelia's on 61st and state--yum

60. BEST THING YOU'VE DONE FOR YOURSELF THIS WEEK? well, i did go see the doc and he upped my meds--i feel good about that. hopefully i won't cry during another dumb tv show.

61. BEST THING YOU'VE DONE FOR SOMEONE ELSE THIS WEEK? i made dinner for my family last night (but only because i had to take dinner into a gal who is pregnant and got in a car accident--but that is good too). oh, hey, i made dinner on wednesday night too! wow.

62. BEST THING SOMEONE HAS DONE FOR YOU THIS WEEK? a friend came and spent the day with me on wednesday

63. WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THE WEEKEND? according to shawn, we are going to make "our rental into our home" by finally getting this hung up and put away and organized.

64. FAVORITE HOLIDAY TRADITION: listening to christmas music starting in october and always getting a REAL tree--add to my favorite smells.

65. FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOUR BODY? wow, this one is tough. i suppose i really love my hands (when my nails aren't down to nubs which they always are)

66. WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE ABOUT YOUR BODY IF YOU COULD ONLY CHANGE ONE THING? my weight, hence my size but that is something i could change but for something that cannot be changed just by me, i would change my height. i would love to be a bit taller.

67. FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOUR GENDER? i don't have something always dangling between my legs

68. A TALENT YOU'D LIKE TO DEVELOPE? i would love to be able to sing for reals

69. FAVORITE BLESSING TODAY? the sun is shining

70. SOMETHING YOU WISH YOUR MOTHER HAD TAUGHT YOU: how to budget money and how to cook--sorry mom

71. SOMETHING YOU ARE GLAD YOUR MOTHER TAUGHT YOU: how to love and how to serve others

so soon?

anna prayed this morning that we would all have a happy holidays. could the christmas music on fm 100 and kosy 106.5 be affecting her already?

like mother, like daughter

anna: "mom, i need to find my library book. where is my book."
me: "i don't know. it's not my book. did you put it away?"
anna: "last time i saw it was at the old house on the dining table."
me: "huh. that was a long time ago. i have know idea where it would be."
anna: "mom, if i don't find it, it will be overdoomed."
me: "well, i don't know what to tell you."
anna: "but mom, i can't be overdoomed. i just can't be overdoomed."
me: "you will just have to pay for it."
anna: "but i will be overdoomed. i can't be overdoomed."
me: "you should be more responsible--i don't know what to tell you."
anna: "i don't want to be overdoomed! i can't want to be overdoomed. sami was overdoomed. i don't want to be overdoomed...overdooomed...overdoomed...overdoomed."

i am thinking that anna may have the same bad library habits that i do. i know i should have said more comforting things to her, but i just loved hearing her say "overdoomed".

post script: i still haven't paid my fine. i am terrified i will get pulled over one day and haul me off to prison for my outstanding fines. i hear they do that.

homeless?

7393 South Pine Street, Midvale, Utah no longer belongs to the burton family. we are officially all done. closed. moved. finished. it has been such a hectic month but really, things went very quickly and fairly smooth. i was really sad at closing. selling a house, i learned, is an emotional process and i didn't know how i would react. we are now renting until we can decide what to do with our lives. so the new house is temporary and i am having a hard time adjusting. i keep thinking i should go "home" when i am home. and randomly i still go the old way home. but it is good. things are good. life is good.

failure to fail

so i missed the celebrating of National Fail Miserably Day. wow, i must be real good at failing. oh well, i suppose i could celebrate today, if that is okay. i really need to celebrate something. and failing sounds pretty good to me. anyone want to come over for yummy chocolate cake i will probably fail to make? anytime is fine with me. just please, don't fail to let me know.

my time of year

i really love autumn. i love the colors--reds, oranges, yellows, chartruse, browns. i love the smell of fall. it's the leaves or something else naturish. i love when you wake up in the morning and jack frost has left a sprinkle of powdered sugar on your grass and car. i love going for walks and crunching throught the fallen leaves. i love raking leaves and jumping into the piles. i love when the days are cooler and you go outside and stand in the sun to warm up or you take a nap in your cool house and lay on the bed and let the sun warm you as it shines through your window. i love pumpkins and gourds. i love to make (well, sometimes, it is still cooking and we all know how i feel about cooking) soups and casseroles because it doesn't make my house unbearable. plus, the warm foods warm my body. i love the days getting shorter. i love the good new tv shows. i love the smell of the woodburning stove being used somewhere in the neighborhood--maybe even at my house. i love halloween. but not the creepy scary stuff. the fun stuff of halloween. kids, costumes, cookies, candy--especially halloween candy, popcorn balls, caramel apples, trick-or-treating, making jack-o-lanterns, costume parades at school. i love making costumes (but i don't do it every year). i love football games--mainly college, and mainly the university of utah. i even enjoy going to the games--taking along a sweater and a thermos of hot chocolate. i feel alive and happy. i really love autumn.

a random bit of info i bet you didn't know about me

i don't like the chicken in campbell's chicken noodle soup. i pick it out. the rest of it is great.

theme songs and funeral songs

do you have a theme song? asks the el presidento of the would-be writers guild. i wish i did. i am sure i could. but it would take some time and research. which i will do. some day. and although i do not have a "theme song", i have been keeping a tentative list of songs i would like sung at my funeral. here are a few (i have not decided the order yet--and the list is not complete):

• "Perhaps Love" a John Denver song. Before he died, i wanted him to come sing it along with Placido Domingo. I bet it would be great live.
• "Livin' on a Prayer" but only if Bon Jovi will come and sing it personally--i think he would. he seems like a really great guy (i saw him on oprah once)
• Handel's "Water Music" played by some philharmonic orchestra
• "It's a Wonderful World" could you please find someone to sing it who has a "louis" voice?
• "I Could Have Danced All Night" from "My Fair Lady"
• "Lonely Goatheard" from "The Sound of Music". I would prefer this to be a sing-along--i LOVE yodeling!

wouldn't that be a great funeral? i hope you all will come...one day far far into the future.

just call me pollyanna...

have you seen pollyanna? great show. anyway, she plays the "glad game". this is where you always try to think of some things to be glad about, especially when it is a difficult something going on.
i have decided to play the glad game today. i had to pay bills today--i hate it. but the glad game will save the day, or so i hope. so here goes:

• i am glad shawn has a good job.
• i am glad i get to be a stay-home mom.
• i am glad i can pay bills on-line.
• i am glad to know where my money is (even if i don't like where it is going).
• i am glad we have the money to pay our bills.
• i am glad to pay tithing.
• i am glad i am a bit organized these days with my bills.

wow. that was a bit difficult at the end. but i think i am definitely gladder. i could make a bigger, longer list of things i am not glad about. but that is not the point.

i am glad. huh.

what about me--the mother?

anna won't give me a kiss goodbye in the mornings anymore when i drop her off at school. she will blow me a kiss but won't even use her hands to send it my way. just a little pucker and blow of her lips and off she goes. she is only in first grade! i am her mother! she can't be too cool for her mom in first grade, can she?
really, my heart is broken.

time keeps on ticking

mikey decided to go underwater the other night while he was taking a tubby. anna decided to time him. she couldn't even get to one. he wasn't even under for a mili-second. but she told him, "wow, mikey, that was almost ten seconds...if i counted really fast."

what if we could speed up time or slow down time according to the pace at which we counted?
now, i am not saying that i would totally manipulate time to try and make things absolutely perfect, i do understand there must needs be opposition in all things, but perhaps i might change the time on a few things to make some days a little more pleasant. for example:

• i would speed up the time i am in my car with the kids screaming at me and at each other. that would be nice.
• my summers would be really fast and my autumns really long.
• nights would definitely be slower as would weekends...sometimes (shawn gets what we like to call the "saturdays" and that is when he has NO projects to do or rather NO money to make it possible for a project...i don't particularly care for those saturdays).
• maybe i might have another baby...count away the weeks of pregnancy.
• maybe make a summer storm linger a little longer.
• shorten travel time (NOT vacation time, just travel time).
• speed up headaches and cramps and periods and such.
• january and february inversion would last about a half hour.
• spring would pop up earlier and last long into july.
• i would count as fast as i could during an especially boring and dull meeting.
• hugs would always be counted slower.

just a few ideas. perhaps, just maybe, if i take more time and really enjoy the moments i want, then maybe i could, sort of, maybe, manipulate time in my little world. i don't know.

spanish proverb

"how beautiful it is to do nothing and then rest afterward."

can i do this today?

Nothing, nothing at all, is as sweet as a brand new baby

this is Matthew John McKea
and his mother, my sister, Katie.

i didn't get permission to post this picture, but i am her sister so she has to forgive me.

it almost makes me want to have another.

the rain was so fun...a post script to yesterday

anna enjoyed swimming so much in the gutter yesterday, she got the hose out and filled it up again this afternoon.

next year, i ain't buyin' no stinkin' plastic blow-up yard pool.

it's a great day to have a baby! (as long as it's not me)

Baby BOY McKea

born (one hour before when this picture was taken...)

11:05 am september 16, 2006

8 lbs 12 oz 21 inches long

currently unnamed.

favorite aunt: auntie liz

isn't he cute?

he is so soft and handsome and fresh.

i got to hold him for awhile. there is a certain peace, a certain contentedness when holding a newborn. i wish i could have that feeling always.

welcome, baby. i love you.

let a smile be your umbrella

michael, anna, and our friend emma.

aren't they cute?

cute until i walk inside and come back out and anna is swimming in the gutter.

what a great day.

For Sale By Owner

7393 South Pine Street, Midvale, Utah 84047

for sale is a cute 4 bedroom and 2 bathroom bungalow cottage style brick home.

it is approximately 1697 square feet on .15 acre.

great features of this home are:

• new windows
• large master bedroom with master bath
• wood stove in front room
• fully landscaped yard
• great deck with covered patio
• two storage sheds
• kids play house with swings, slides, and sandbox
• brand new furnace and air conditioner
• secluded neighborhood but just off I-15 and 7200 South--central location
• wired for Utopia (fiber optic something or other for phone, internet, and cable)
• ceiling fans throughout

if you or anyone you know is interested, please feel free to contact me and i will answer any questions you may have.

okay. thanks. bye.

medicine--check, next time--double check

we went to jackson hole this weekend with all the fam.
i got my meds all ready.
we got to our cabins, i realized i didn't pack the meds.
day two of our trip--not the greatest
day three--even worse
when we got home,
meds waiting for me by the computer--
(who the hell put them there?)

day one of being home--still not back to normal, whatever that is

journal moment

last night, michael wanted me. he wanted me! over shawn! he went into our bed. and settled down. he wasn't feeling well. he called to shawn,
"daddy, will you tell mommy to come lay by me."
i cried. i can't describe to you how i felt. my children ALWAYS want their daddy. but this time he chose me.
michael chose me!

bring and brag

anna wants to take the picture of darth vader playing the violin to school for show & tell.

what do i do?

why can't she want to take the cute little eskimo doll we got for her in alaska rather than the picture of a street performer person trying to earn a living?

it is a funny picture.

a father and daughter conversation

anna: dad, how much money do we have?

dad: i don't know (surprised by the question).

anna: well, how much is on your checks?

dad: i don't know (like he would tell her at age 6--she wouldn't even understand, but then again) why?

anna: well, how come we don't get to buy ten dollar things?

apparently she has found something that is ten dollars? or one of her friends has something that was ten dollars? i don't know. but what else i don't know is where did she learn about his "checks". he has direct deposit. where is she learning all this crap? is it first grade?

1st grade and mawzzmeyos

okay, i am not quite sure what to do. 11:30 is coming and going and i feel like i should be picking anna up from kindergarten only she is in 1st grade now. i was thinking about this and decided i should go and make my bed. you know, do something. huh, the bed was already made. i had already done it. wow. it is only day three and i am at a loss as what to do. i know i have things to do it just seems that i shouldn't be able to get to them because of the kids. now, i don't have an excuse and i don't know what to do. huh. wow. this is a wierd feeling.
i told mikey i didn't know what to do and he said "you can get me a bow of mawzzmeyos" (bowl of marshmellows). so i did. now, what do i do? i got a whole 27 minutes before shawn comes home for lunch. huh. wow.

pictures of far, far away

did you know that darth vader lives in victoria canada and plays the violin on the streets? well, actually he doesn't really play any songs or tunes or anything. he just kind of moves the bow along the strings and such.
















if i would have been with shawn when he saw this, i so would have been on it. it is the "ketchikan wal-mart free shuttle".











shawn's appetizer of fresh from the garden snails. barf-o-rama. he ate them all. i tell him it doesn't make him a hero or anything.











the sun decided to come out as it was going down. so pretty. and peaceful.











the room stewards are amazing! they seem to always know when you are out and when your bed needs to be made (even after a nap). they turn your blankets down, lay a chocolate out, and fold these so cute towel animals. shawn went to the towel-folding demonstration on the last day. so, if anyone wants a folded towel animal on your bed, just give him a call.







whale watching in juneau. it was so exciting to watch whales...really we saw a lot. but it was difficult to get a good picture. oh well.











S.O.S.
this is our mandatory life saving drill. women (and children) in front, men in back.











Mr. Black Bear who, at one point, was within arm's stretch of us. He was looking for some food there in the river. wow.










Beautiful Ketchikan, Alaska

this is mendenhall glacier in juneau. i cannot seem to get other pictures up right now. i will try again later.

points of interest from our alaskan cruise:

• it is cold in alaska, even in the summer
• you could survive in the ocean up there for 17 minutes in the summer and 7 minutes in the winter
• indonesians and philipinos are much warmer and friendlier people than easterns europeans
• i didn't fall into a crevass
• i didn't get attacked by a bear, although we did see one...up close and personal
• i rains ALL the time in juneau, sitka, and ketchikan
• juneau is landlocked meaning you can only get there by boat or plane. we went by boat.
• i can live without pepsi or coke for a day
• it is so nice to have your own personal greyline coach to take you to the town grocery store to pick up some pepsi and then take you back to the ship
• tendering is when you take small boats ashore from the ship when you cannot dock (we did it in ketchikan)
• there are a lot of old folks on a holland america cruise (and that's fine with me)
• a lot of people have preconcieved notions about you when you tell them you are from slc
• i really like lobster tails
• shawn really likes baked alaska and salmon
• glaciers are mostly blue not white
• a cruise ship can hold a lot of people (1800 passengers and 800 crew members)
• the best bed i have ever slept in is still on the ms oosterdam
• wierdos live in canada (darth vader playing the violin...i almost thought i was in nyc)
• i missed my kids more than i thought i would
• i am glad to be home

bon voyage!

we are flying out today for our alaskan cruise --and i am a bit anxious.

• pray that we will not be involved in any terrorist plot.
• pray my children will be healthy (mikey ran a fever yesterday).
• pray that all will be well here and there.
• pray that i can eat a lot--oh never mind about that one.
• pray that i won't fall into a crack on a glacier.
• pray that we will enjoy our time away without worry.
• pray that i will not gain 50 lubs.
• pray that i haven't forgotten anything of importance.
• pray that shawn will still want to be married to me after being alone with me for over a week.
• pray that he will be okay without golf--i guess if worst came to worst he could go to the golf simulator on the ship--of course, for a pretty penny.
• pray that i won't be seasick.
• pray that i won't be eaten or marred by wildlife.

okay, i need to stop. i hope you all have a spectacular time here at home. i will be thinking of you as i sail away!

little listening ears are everywhere

my friend dropped off some stuff in our carport. this morning as we went out to the car, anna looks at the stuff and exclaims, "what the hell?"
do i say that?

back from the races...

Here they are--mikey is sooooooooooo excited! I love it. Mikey has his Tony Stewart Home Depot Nascar hat on. It was fun and I might even do it again--only if I win free tickets again. It was a great family outing even though at the end anna and i thought we were going to die of heat exhaustion. Fortunately they have a sonic in tooele--slushies definitely cooled us down.

off to the races...

I won tickets to the fat ass motorsports park for the "heroes of speed". shawn has been wanting to take mikey out there. so, although it isn't nascar, i think the boys and even anna will enjoy themselves. i suppose i am somewhat interested to see what it is like but i definitely will be taking a book.

a.m. ramble

This might be a ramble and a rant seeing as how it is 4:40 am and i have been awake for almost 2 hours. I should be asleep. I want to be asleep. However, without the proper medication, sleeping is hardly an option (I purposely miss 2 or so days every once in awhile so I don't have to take a higher dose...it seems to work our just fine).
So on these nights that i am awake in the wee-wee hours of the morning, I usually try and do something productive and usually it involves cleaning. But this time i haven't been in the mood for cleaning. I have really wanted to be asleep. I tried for an hour and a half to no avail. My mind is spinning rapidly jumping from one thought to another to another. It is a bit annoying. So here are some random thoughts that need a place.

A few friends of mine here in the ward are moving. I am a bit sad because I am pretty sure I will lose contact with at least one or two of them. I like having friends. I value my friendships. I need friendships. And as an adult I have come to realize and painstakingly accept that people come and go in our lives. I hate the going. It is so hard to keep in touch. Everyone has their own lives to lead and if the relationships aren't convenient, it seems they tend to disappear. It makes me sad.
About a month or so ago I thought I would try to renew a friendship. It didn't go so well. I felt like I was so brave and I walked away feeling sheepish. I wanted so much for a connection again. But I was crushed and heartbroken. She didn't seem at all excited about me contacting her. I don't know. It wasn't what I had expected. I guess people come in our lives for a time and then they go. They come to do what needs to be done and that's it? I don't know. Perhaps the timing was all wrong. But I tried. What else can I do? I sit and try and spectulate why it didn't seem to matter but that has gotten me no where. So now, I leave it to rest.

New subject. I was wondering tonight if I am afraid of natural disasters happening. I don't think so and then I think maybe I should be. I mean I am living on a fault line. We have some food storage and I am getting extra meds to keep on hand. I suppose I should get 72 hour kits. I remember going up into one of the cottonwood canyons on a 6th grade field trip. Our teacher told us about the fault line and the possibility of a huge earthquake happening in the next fifty years. I remember I thought I would just move away in about 45 years. Well, I still have 15 or so years left so I suppose I won't worry to much. George Nory had a guy on the show tonight that discussed the happenings of natural disasters. Okay, so maybe he thinks he predicts them. But, there was no mention of an earthquake in Utah. I was going to call and ask about it but then I remembered it is not played live at 3 am. Maybe I will just send an email. Or maybe, I should just stop listening. Nah. I like it too much. Shawn hates it. I am glad it's on when he is asleep.

A week from today we will be flying into Seattle for our cruise. I am so excited. I am excited to go to Seattle again. That's where we went on our honeymoon. I loved it. We are thinking about doing lunch or dinner again at the Space Needle. They had the best rolls. Yum.

I thought I had Mikey potty trained. But he will not poop in the toilet. ARGH! I am going to try pull-ups. He can potty just fine. But pooping is another thing. I don't think he knows how to push just sitting down. You see, he has a "pooping stance". It is much like the position a catcher in baseball uses. He has one knee folded under him and the other knee up. I have thought about seeing if he could do this on the toilet but I just can't even picture it. So, I think pull-ups will be cheaper than underwear. At least for the time being. ARGH!

Okay, I think I have decided to take a xanax and go lay down. I will not function if I don't get some sleep before the kids wake-up. Hopefully they will sleep in.

TTFN

In my little garden...

This happy little sunflower lives in my front yard. We didn't plant it. It just showed up this summer (along with a few others). You can't see it very well (not at all really) but there are oodles of bees working the day away in the center. It was so neat but I didn't dare get any closer and my zoom only went so far.

who is the real parent?

In the midst of all of the fun today, the entire day, Anna was sent to my room to sit on my bed for a time-out. When I returned to my room she was not on my bed.

I instinctly called out (not yelled, I don't yell of course)
"Where are you? Why aren't you on my bed?"
(Disobedience is not a favorite of mine.)

She jumped into the room from the bathroom and said
"I was sitting on the toilet" (the lid was down, her pants were up?)

I asked in a most serious voice "Why?"
(I don't like disobedience.)

She informed me that:
"The toilet is not as much fun as the bed. All I can to is sit. I can jump on the bed and stuff and that is fun."

Oh, silly me. Next time, Anna, you go ahead and plan your own time-out.

Michael James Burton

Happy Birthday Michael James. He is four years old today. I remember 4 years ago when he was born. It was so blasted hot. I would venture to say it was hotter then than it is now. The hottest day EVER in salt lake was recorded that week he was born. 107 degrees. Oh, I remember.
I was so miserable. Our power kept going out. I would go and sit in the car in the carport with the air on. One time our macho policeman neighbor walked by and looked confusingly at me. I didn't care. I was miserable. I still had just over 2 weeks to go before his delivery. I had just gone to see Dr. Curtis and I was at a one and not completely effaced. AHHHHH! I wanted to be done with the pregnancy. But not quite ready for the extreme measure of the castor oil shake.
Mike, my brother-in-law, suggested we go for a ride in the canyon. He suggested that the change in altitude would perhaps get me into labor. I thought he was smoking his lunch. But I knew it would cooler in the mountains so I planned a family get-together with tinfoil dinners for Saturday evening the 27th.
I remember on our way down the canyon the contractions started. Shawn and I laughed. I had had so many braxton-hicks with Anna. But at about 2 am sunday morning I called my mom to come stay with anna. I went in and was monitored. The nurse was amazed at my contractions. I just knew they hurt. All I wanted was a morphine shot (I had a couple with anna because of my false labor). She checked me and I had not progressed at all since I had seen Dr. Curtis. She gave me the option of staying a bit longer (because of the closeness and the strength of the contractions) or I could get a shot and go home and sleep. I took the shot and went home.
I was soon disappointed. The contractions didn't go away and I didn't even come close to the happy peaceful sleepy feeling I usually got with the shot. By 9 am we were back at the hospital with anna safely in the arms of my mom at church. I was admitted at a six. I got my epidural. ahhhhhhhhhh.
Michael James entered the world that afternoon but not before causing me some pain. My epidural wore off right before he was coming out. I was SCREAMING and Dr. Curtis didn't want to have to sew me up with no anesthia in me (I didn't have to be sewn up). He sat down on a chair next to my bed and put his feet up on MY bed. He told Shawn to relax it would just take a minute. I don't think Shawn heard over my screaming. Those two contractions, one on top of the other, really made me appreciate modern medicine and technology. Michael is such a good boy. As Dr. Curtis held him up to announce we had a baby boy, Michael peed all over Dr. Curtis. He would have been 8 pounds but instead was 7 pounds 15 ounces.
What a joyous day. A good strong healthy baby boy.

why i don't have an 18 month old and i am not a mother of 5

so i babysit my sister's three girls last night so she could enjoy a night out with her husband at a concert. they are ages 5, 3, and 18 months. for the most part the older kids were uneventful except for a few small incidences which were VERY manageable. typical stuff. she didn't share. she wanted that back. she blah blah blah. however, my little rachel mckea is a different story. she is sooo adorable but man is she a handful. i don't know how my sister does it.

Rachel managed to play in the toilet, oh, only about 4 times (kids forgot to shut the door after going potty).
She managed to spill only about two glasses of liquid (kids left their drinks around).
She pooped and left the poop in her diaper only a mere 3 times.
She pooped and removed her diaper and managed to have the poop smeared all over her a mere one time (i had to find the diaper, she came to me holding something saying "poop"... at least she told me and did not continue to play in it).
She found the bottle of orange glo wood floor cleaner and only had a sip (thank goodness it's all natural or something . . . i didn't have to call poison control. i just had to get her to drink two glasses of water).
she ran out into the front yard getting awfully close to the street just once (shawn left the back gate open).

these are just the things that i am aware of but i am sure it is pretty complete. i really did keep a watchful eye on her. she is just fast and sneaky. katie is a saint. now i know why she wants to borrow my crib when her baby (boy :) yeah!) comes in september...she needs somewhere to put rachie for sanity's sake (rachel can climb out of the crib but they invested in a crib tent back when she was pregnant with rachel so she could keep jenna, the baby then, under lock and key--it works great for rachel too).

wow.

and that, my friends, is why i have only two children.

number 10 of the previous post

it might oly be 95 degrees out and this might just be anna's christmas flannel nightgown, but he doesn't know that nor does he care. and i don't either. he obeyed when i told him to get jammies on. what a good boy and a cute one too.

my air is still not in but...

top ten things to be grateful for today:

1. it was garbage day
2. it isn't 107 degrees out
3. fans work in my house
4. i have a bbq
5. i don't live in lebanon
6. i have air conditioning in my car
7. gas is slightly less than $3 a gallon
8. my tv is back to working after being out all week
9. the sun is going down
10. my son looks super cute in my daughter's christmas flannel nightgown tonight

anyone know of a good dentist?

Anna found some yucky teeth that i got in a halloween goodie bag from the tony danza show (i thought i was in line for the view but...) when i went to nyc in october (remember alyssa?). anyway she thinks she is pretty funny. and i don't think mikey quite got how to put them in his mouth. oh well, he is still cute too.

it's really not just "one little project"

Don't get me wrong, I love home improvements. I love my husband. I love that he is handy. I love that he is creative. I love that he loves to work. I love that he loves to work on our house.

With that being said...we are getting a new furnace and air conditioner. Not too bad. Or so I thought ( and I suppose I really shouldn't complain because this "one little project" is not nearly as invovled as other "little projects" have been). Now, in the middle of the project, not only are we getting a new furnace and air conditioner but a new gas dryer. apparently, it is cheaper to buy a new gas dryer that to run a new electric line. huh. but, i am proud of myself. i limited the new gas dryer to just a new gas dryer. i did not buy a matching washing machine to make it a set.

a wall has been removed and a new one put up (well, not yet, it is in progress). the new furnace is in place in the basement--well, it really is just crawl space--with the old one still down in the crawl space (and i don't know if that will ever move out). the air unit is on the south side of the house next to our wood pile for out wood stove stacked complete with wood that we never used last winter (i was always too hot). anyway, the electricity lines have been run to the air unit (thanks uncle steve) and shawn is working on the piping for the gas dryer tonight. i am a bit nervous, with gas and all. but a certified (or whatever you call it) gas man is coming tomorrow morning to do the real hookups.

i hope it all works out as planned now. i hope the furnace stays in the crawl space and that we won't have to make room for it upstairs somewhere. i don't think i can handle anymore knocking out of walls. although, i am sure shawn would have no problem with that. we have knocked out three walls now. remember, our house is not that big. we knock out anymore walls, we won't have a house. we have also ripped out a couple of closets, remodeling the entire closets. anna's room has been painted three times: purple, pink and now yellow. the master bathroom has been painted three times. our bedroom, twice. the front bathroom and bedroom, only once. the front room painted, then paneling torn out and new texture and painted again, then glazed. plus, we put in a wood stove. shawn built a big deck with patio. landscaped the yard a few times. our carport fell a couple years ago. he not only rebuilt the carport but added another shed. he has moved our back gate around a few times and still is not satisfied. he converted a back family room into a nice dining room. he built an island for our kitchen which has been painted a few times. the cabinets moved around to make room for a microwave stove hood thing. and added crown molding to the top of the cabinets. a pantry was added (knocking out a wall). crown molding has also been added to a few rooms. he also replaced our swamp cooler two summers ago.

as you can see, a little project to shawn turns out to be not so little. i always add on a few hundred dollars to his given estimate--he is always under. funny because he is an estimator for a construction company. huh.

anyway, if all goes as planned i will have cool air running through my house by the end of the week. no more swampy. really, it isn't bad as long as it is not too hot and not at all humid. but i will be grateful that our food won't be soggy all the time, our floors won't be sticky all the time, and i won't have to be hot on those summer thunderstorm days (like today).

soon to be cruisin

i have never been on a cruise before and neither has shawn. for our ten year anniversary this year he has booked us an alaskan cruise on http://www.hollandamerica.com/cruiseships/Oosterdam. i am excited but somewhat fearful. i don't know what to expect. i don't know what to wear. will i need to buy new clothes? we already ready bought new luggage (we never have purchased luggage in our ten years of marriage). but what else? something formal? i have no formal. i think i decided to have a pedicure before i go rather than on the ship. it is an alaskan cruise so will i need a jacket or coat? probably not a coat. it is in august that we are going. flip flops okay or too casual? jeans and capris okay? t-shirts okay? i need help. any suggestion? PLEASSSE let me know... as soon as possible. i need to lessen my anxiety. i want to be able to enjoy my time. so again, i ask, PLEASE help me! sincerely and desperately yours, liz

the gang...almost all the gang

left to right: Jenna (3), Erin (5), Anna (6), Kenzi (6), Mikey(almost 4), & Rachel (20 mos)

not shown: Megan & Drew--i think they were napping

my project list

in no particular order...just things to do some day...

• finish quilt for Rachie
• finish matching pillows for Erin, Jenna & Rachie
• do quilt for mother-in-law
• finish quilt for my bed
• finish "i spy" quilt
• do katie's "i spy" quilt
• finish puppet theater for kids
• make puppets for kids
• paint 2 coffee tables
• paint nightstand
• fix dollhouse furniture for mom
• help anna redo her dollhouse
• finish kids' memo boards
• work on watercolor quilt

tis the season

i have been thinking about doing a "christmas in july" this july. i could put up my lights and tree. i would put presents under the tree (i still have some from last christmas that i never did give away). i would maybe even do christmas cards. i would play holiday music. i would bake cookies (actually i probably wouldn't because i don't even do it at the december christmas).

and maybe i could order up some snow from mark or dan or sterling.

then, i could, finally, maybe, cool down.

what do you think?

The Laytons Companies Family Fun Day at Boondocks

Here is race car man Mikey...he wanted to drive so bad but was too little.
At the beginning of the day...they are all smiles and not too red. mini golf...we don't do regular golf since anna hit michael in the forehead full swing with the golf club (a real club, not a kids plastic club) at the driving range (there is still a scar).
After the bumper boats...i don't know why i bothered to do my hair. Mikey is not as wet because he rode with shawn.

Daddy and daddy's little girl. she remembered that last year mikey got to ride with dad on these cars so she informed us that it was her turn. Mikey was not too happy. oh well.
we had a great day and the best part was that it was all free. not too bad for a company party. thanks layton.

nothing of importance

yesterday and today i have had a pain on the right side of my head going down my neck, through my shoulder and through the length of my arm down into my finger tips.

it hurts to type.

just wanted to get that out of the way.

to shawn, for father's day two days ago

thank you for being a great dad
thank you for playing golf in the backyard with the kids
thank you for taking them to lagoon
thank you for making "fancy restaurant" dinners for them
thank you for putting them to bed
thank you for praying with them
thank you for letting them "help" you with the yard work
thank you for letting them "help" you with the house work
thank you for setting up their movie theater on the deck
thank you for bathing them and cleaning up mikey's poop in the tub
thank you for taking them to church
thank you for encouraging them in their play by playing with them
thank you for loving them
and most of all
thank you for making us a great family

you truly are the best---i love you

dinner delights

we did it and we survived. our first entire week of eating dinner at home. here's the menu:

sunday: dinner at mom's but we were in charge and didn't even have to go to the store that day to buy anything. bbq pork ribs

monday: i was sick but shawn did leftovers, yes, he did!
tuesday: steaks and mac & cheese
wednesday: hamburgers and chips and apples
thursday: cheese ravioli with creamy tomato sauce and caesar salad
friday: taco salad
saturday: pita pizzas
sunday: dinner at mom's again

it feels great! our goal is to eat again at home this week except monday (we are going to tooele and that just causes grief for me to plan).

p.s. anna asked about wednesday when we could go out to dinner again. she was tired of eating at home. stinker (sadly i created this stinky side).

*note on effexor*

if you can avoid going on effexor...make it your last option. it was mine but still.

so, my last dose of effexor i thought was last thursday. i have been dragging this weaning-off since at least the beginning of april. over 8 freaking crazy sick weeks. my last week of the smallest possible dose of 37.5 mg went pretty well. i felt good. so, i felt good about my last dose. until saturday. at first, i got paranoid that i might be pregnant...but it was much worse that simple "morning" sickness. i think i would have rather gone through 9 months of my morning sickness than go through what i just went through the past 3 or 4 days. violently ill is an understatement. and the crazy thing is is that i wasn't depressed. just ill. metally i feel good--so far. my symptoms included:

• nausea
• vomiting...everything, even some organs i think
• cold sweats
• hot sweats
• more vomiting
• uncontrollable crying (i know it sounds normal for me but really the tears just came and came and came and came...for no reason)
• more nausea
• pain all over... so much that it would wake me when i did manage to close my eyes for a moment
• crawling skin (it is such as creepy feeling--especially on my head, maybe i should have asked shawn to look for lice)
• shocks throughout my body all the time
• dizziness
• dizziness even when i was laying down
• constant anxiety
• extreme fatigue
• irrational thinking (paranoia shawn was going to leave me...maybe it wasn't paranoia, maybe he couldn't deal with me either)
• confusion--i could not think straight and i could not hear at times. someone would say something to me and i knew they were but i could not register what they were saying--shawn repeated himself numerous times and sometimes i still didn't get it.
• vivid dreams/nightmares--someone i know could not bury their dead dogs in the back yard because he said the mommy dog would dig them up and she would go crazy. so, he kept them in a bedroom in his basement in the corner of the room. the dogs were BIG dogs--BIG. and that is just part of one of my dreams
• no energy but the desire to do and do but then i would just vomit
• severe headaches--blinding headaches--nothing happened but i probably should not have driven to the doctor yesterday
• did i mention vomiting?

so, needless to say i went back on yesterday. we are going to try going off slower. every other day for a week then we get more meticulous and try going by hours. example: monday at 8 am then wednesday at 12 pm then friday at 8 pm. and we try doing that for a week or so. i don't even know if i got that right. good thing i got shawn to help keep it all straight. i may even just end up staying on the last dose for a little longer. i don't know. anywho, don't feel sorry for me. i feel okay today. in fact after i took it yesterday at 4 pm i felt dramatically improved by about 8 pm. so, there's my story for the last few days.

and it is just my story. others are probably different. this is just my own experience. i went on effexor and i believe it saved my life. going off it is horrific. but if i had to i would go on it again. perhaps i would do things a bit different. but i love being alive and i love being happy.

Ken Hughes is a SCAM

so today we received our second call from Ken Hughes asking to call him back. i ignored it the first time figuring it was for shawn. but today i thought that maybe it was for laser graphics (shawn's new business--if you need anything lasered let us know). so i wrote it down for him. not thinking too much he decided to call it back this evening. he was put on hold with some classy music of the easy-listening genre. he is not patient so he hung up. he tried again a bit later. again put on hold. again he hung up (he is not patient when it comes to these matters). so he decided to google ken hughes and the number he left 888-249-4134. it is a scam. they get junk debts and try to collect and get you to pay them over the phone with a credit card. duh. shawn did not call back. i called my mother just to warn her. and after i dialed i was put on hold and easy listening music appeared in my ear. i called again and the same thing. so i called from my cell phone and she asked me why i didn't answer when she said hello. she couldn't hear anything. she called back on my phone. i answered and got the music again after i said hello. she called back on my cell phone and said she could hear me. wierd. while all this was going on shawn contacted our phone company. the guy said he had never heard of this happening before but he made a big note in our file and gave us a file number or something. i just don't want to be charged for porn or calls to taiwan. argh! i am really glad shawn thought to google the name. it never would have crossed my mind. but now i am aware. google unknown numbers and names before you call them back.

yes, anna, alyssa lives in new york

we are working on anna's pillow (I am) and the cbs evening news is on in the other room. i didn't realize i was listening until anna said "mom, alyssa is going to be on the news." i realized the news caster had said something about "the new york people" as i answered her "alyssa is not going to be on the news." anna replied "but doesn't she live in new york? that makes her a new york people."

silly quiz

this photo refers to question #13 (thanks emily, it will always be on my wall).

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn on page 18 and find a line:
"It's the perfect gift for those who love nuts in the shell." (western nut company brochure--don't ask why)

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can:
nothing, but if i turn around i can hit my kids in the heads! wonderful!

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
elimiDATE...lame. i couln't find mad about you and i think elimiDATE has taken it's time slot. i am mad about that. the tv didn't get turned off. i didn't watch that on purpose. i never do.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is?
1:38 pm

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
1:46 pm (i am pretty good--but not as good as tiff)

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
It sounds like "Disco Sweat" with Richard Simmons. the kids really like Richard.

7. When did you last step outside?
Just a bit ago

8. What were you doing?
getting my purse out of the trunk of my car to get the fabric from the purse to help anna make the pillow for her teacher.

9. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
The Quilter's Cache--for info on how to make yo-yo's for anna's pillow. i don't think i will do them this time.

10. What are you wearing?
jean skirt, red shirt, white cami, & black flip-flops (because there is sand all over my floor otherwise i would not be wearing shoes).

11. Did you dream last night?
last night? not last night. but all the nights before for the last week, yes. interpretation please: a gal from church got up to bear her testimony and all she did was tell everyone how undependable i am and irresponsible. and that they should not listen to me or be my friend. i had to teach the next day (and i really did in real life) and i remember that i felt terribly inadequate and ashamed. it was a high stress dream.

12. When did you last laugh?
well, i chuckled at anna's graduation program at some of the kids and their singing and dancing. but i haven't had a good-hard-hurt-your-stomach laugh in a while. i need one.

13. What is on the wall of the room you are in?
calendar day-by-day page from Mr. Rogers. it says
"How essential it is to find safe ways of expressing how we feel about what is important to us."

peanuts calendar page:
Lucy: No one ever asks me what i think of something.
Charlie: Well, what do you think of something.
Lucy: Who knows?

a certificate that reads:
The Faculty and Board of Managers of
Burton Home Engineering
certify to all that
Liz Burton (in big bold fancy letters)
has been certified as Senior Home Manager.
it is signed and dated: 8/14/04 Shawn Burton
i have since moved up in ranks to President and CEO (self-appointed and no certificate)

and the above mentioned photo of the cartoon (my favorite)

14. Seen anything wierd lately?
my neighbors: spooky, spanky, the circus lady, and the he/she but like alyssa, they have become my norm

15. What is the last film you saw?
um, i think it was the davinci code bit i did catch a glimpse of "Disco Sweat"

16. If you became a multimillionaire overnight, what would you buy?
i wouldn't buy anything. i would donate it all to charity. okay i would probably pay my tithing
and buy everyone that i like cruise tickets for around the world (i would pay for their time off too. i wouldn't want anyone to have any excuses).

17. Tell me something about you that i don't know.
i really like to listen to talk radio--bob, rush, glenn, laura (sometimes she bugs), george, art, ian, steve, grocery guru (i really don't like him but i like the deals), drudge, etc

18.Do you like to dance?
what kind of question is that? LOVE to DANCE! it all began with the church dances. although, i never did get kicked out (except that i left because alyssa was my ride i'm sure) and i never had to take a breathalizer. and i never smacked anyone like mickey and get into a yelling fight over it although i stood behind her. i did wear shorts under skirts to do cool moves.

19. 5 people who must also do this in their blog.
um i don't think i know that many people who read my blog. if you do you could let me know and give me a boost of self-confidence (just don't tell me you read it and think it's lousy-thanks).

some of my favorite movies in no particular order

the sound of music
return to me
when harry met sally...
my fair lady
charade
clue
phenomenom
what about bob?
steel magnolias (for a good laugh & a good cry)
holiday inn
buffy the vampire slayer (not the tv show)
can't buy me love (McDreamie way-back when)
the private eyes
father of the bride

summer: cons and pros

cons:

• hot, hot, hot
• road construction EVERYWHERE
• hot (did i mention that?)
• sand from the sandbox in my house--EVERYWHERE
• weeds
• hot nights
• going to mesquite to visit in-laws where at midnight it is still 100 degrees and the wind blows and it feels like a giant hair dryer in your face
• road construction
• shawn tends to be stinkier on summer nights
• it's too hot to cook (really, it is)
• the swamper doesn't work well on rainy humid days
• running the dryer makes it all hotter
• kids are dirtier
• heat gives me headaches
• i am lazier (if that is possible)
• when it's hot, i am grumpier

pros:

• august 14th
• flowers
• yardwork (in the morning shade or evening shade)
• sun shines more (i don't really need my blue light in the summer)--longer days
• kids can play outside all day and not get bored
• plays, movies, concerts at the ampitheater or park
• camping
• laying on the hot cement and soaking in the sun after running in the sprinklers (a good memory from my childhood--i don't think people would like to see me running around in the sprinklers these days)
• fresh tomatoes from the garden eaten right off the vine--YUMMY
• bbq's
• summer thunderstorms
• tin-foil dinners
• flip-flops (in my day they were thongs--i don't do thongs of today(ouch))
• no school
• lazy days
• walking in the grass barefoot (it releases the poisons)

i have been making this list in my head the last couple of days. i am trying to fit optimism into my daily thought routine. i thought that focusing on my likes of the summer would help. it did. but i did have to make my list of dislikes. it's all therapy for me. i guess all in all summer ain't too bad. it also helps now that i am almost off the effexor. my core temperature is coming down. it almost feels good again. i am almost looking forward to the summer. we will see. i have one more week of effexor 37.5 mg. then will be the tell-all. i am a bit scared. i still get massive headaches randomly. and i randomly have shocks that feel like my phone on vibrate throughout my body--they don't hurt but they do startle me. and probably at least once a week i feel like i have the flu. hopefully it will all go away soon enough. it is worth trying.

anyway, happy summer!

observations from my night out with the girls

1. apparently mitshibishi(?) monteros are compact cars not suvs. at least the one parked in the "compact" parking stall thinks it is an extra small car.
2. sonic's "picnic" area is a smoking establishment (perhaps the only smoking establishment in utah).
3. some people's children will not be affected by their parent's choice to smoke around them. really lady, with all the troubles your child will face on his own in his lifetime, do you have to make it harder for him? especially now when we all know the damage smoking can do? PLEASE don't be stupid.
4. parents, especially mothers of young teen girls, help your child dress appropriately. it can be done. there are just some things most girls should not wear. love them. help them. they can even still be cool. and mothers of young things, start early. i think it's easier to start when they are little. i could be wrong, who knows.
5. i really love good sales.

good day at the dentist...mostly

we, the whole fam dam,

have survived the dentist

with only a few minor complications.

no pulpotomies

no root canals

just some decay

in everyone else's teeth.

me,

i have to see the endodontis

(not to be confused with the proctologist).

a former root canal and crown

have to be redone.

i am okay

as long as i have my prescription

for valium.

i love my new dentist.

confessions of a library patron

i used to love to go to the library. especially to check out movies. free movies. or so i thought. they would be free if i would just return them on time. i reallly want to go back to the library. i like to check out books as well. i haven't been to the library since last summer. i grew a fine. quickly. $150.00 fine. i apparently lost some movies and didn't care to realize it. well, one day i accidently found the movies. i returned them hoping to wipe the slate clean. only half of the slate got clean. apparently one still has to pay the late fees and "lost processing" fees. my fees total $71.45. all for the "free" movies and books checked-out at the library.

i am going to pay the fine. i incurred the fines so i need to pay them. however, you have to actually go to the library to pay the fines. and i am afraid of the librarians. of all librarians (my uncle is a librarian and i am definitely afraid of him in his capacity as a librarian and when i was little as an uncle--psychotherapy please). i am afraid of their hair, of their clothes, of their smells--really, i am. i am especially afraid of their comments. plus, they are so strict. nazi-librarians. like the soup nazi from sienfeld, librarians are like book nazis.

a story of a library-nazi (a true event in my life):

one of the rules is that your library card is yours only. no one else is allowed to use it. not even anyone in your own family can use it. nor can you use anyone else's card. well, one day i had left mine at home. we were as a family heading out of town on a road trip. well, shawn had reserved some books on cd. my card was at home and he didn't want to go in or something like that. anyway, i had shawn's card and went to pick up his items on hold under his name. well, the cute little librarian asked me if i had my own card after i handed her his. i replied that the card she was holding WAS my card. "oh," she said, "your name is shawn?" i said "yep!" "oh, it is a beautiful name. not too many girls with the name of shawn." i simply replied "that's right. but it is more common than you think." i have never yet returned to the west jordan library. i don't want her to recognize me, especially if i forgot and used my own card with my own name on it. and i am really not that great of a liar so i just don't know that i could pull that off again.

i really want to return to the library. i loved being a library patron. i just need to think and talk positive. and not let fear of librarians ruin my summer. i need books and movies for the kids and for me to make it through the summer and i don't want to spend a bundle. i know my track record with my fines but i could at least try to make it all free. in the end i know i probably end up paying a whole lot more for a whole lot of nothing. at least i did last year. perhaps this year will be different. maybe, just maybe, i have learned my lesson.

the new day is coming...hold on...

today is sunday
sunday is almost over
i need to go to bed
i didn't even want to
get out of bed
today
it's almost over
gone forever
never to be again
and
i am not sad about it
at all.
good night & sweet dreams...

some reasons i really shouldn't drive too often

• big old honkin' suvs and trucks that think they can and should park anywhere ...park in the back of the lot idiots.
• cars that think they have to go fast and they ride your butt and finally pass you. then, you end up in the lane next to them stuck at a red light. got real far didn't you, idiot.
• road cyclists who think they are a car--stay to the side idiots.
• big diesel trucks who go through the drive-thru at fast food restuarants...can't you hear yourselves you idiots...oh, that's right, you can't hear because of your stinkin' loud idiot trucks!
• important cars (bmw's, mercedes, volvos, saabs, jaguars, big ol' shiny new trucks, etc) who think they can make up their own spot because they are too important to park too far away...idiots.
• important cars who think they need to take up two spots (heaven forbid an idiot truck/suv) should park too close to them...idiots.

now i know some of you may already know that my husband has a somewhat big truck (he did it all on his own). i told him that when he parks he WILL park in the back of the lot and take up two spaces only if the back of the lot is empty. by the way, his truck is not a diesel. loud idiots.

potty time

you know your child is old enough to be potty trained when:

• he know when he has to go and you know when he has to go because he gets into his "pooping stance"
• he has a preferred brand of diapers
• when you buy him different brand of diapers, he learns all about them and then proceeds to show and tell his dad all of the "cool" features of the new diapers (extra stretchy at some areas, different tabs, etc)
• he can change himself by removing his old diaper (only when he is just wet and overflowing) and getting out a new diaper. then, he unfolds the diaper and stretches it out. he then pulls the tabs over to the front and does them up loosely. he then steps into the diaper (like underwear) and pulls them up. he adjusts the tabs to make sure the diaper is on good and tight. puts his pants back on and throws out the old diaper (what a good boy)
• he goes potty on the potty before the tubby and sometimes during routine diaper changes

okay, so i know it is time. i just don't care to push the issue. so everyone, leave me and mikey alone. we are happy with things just the way they are. diapers are a good thing.

we are the world, we are the children

you know, sometimes i wonder. i wonder why i try to make it through one day just to have to make it through another and another to get to the weekend. why the weekend? i suppose it may be because shawn is home. but really, what do i do. i heard a man on the radio say that he wishes that the day had 50 hours in it. he would be able to fill them all up. wow. i can barely fill up the 14-16 waking hours of my day. yes, i do have children. and i do play with them. but they don't always care to have me around. they play very well on their own. i don't cook. i don't clean. (i am trying to be better...i made my bed today). i don't exercise on purpose (kids can keep me going sometimes). i am not a busy person and really i don't care to be. so, what do i do? i find mindless projects to fulfill my time. but these mind-time-occupying projects don't really do anything to make the world a better place. it doesn't help feed the hungry. or clothe the naked. or house the poor. i don't even make any money to help support my family. these projects simply use up my time. does it make me a better person? maybe it helps me improve my talent. but that talent doesn't really help any one out. and really i am not making any moral choices here. i am simply occupying my mind to get me through another day. i made a very beautiful quilt 3 years ago when i was trying to avoid the demons in my mind. i love the quilt. it keeps me warm. it is soft. i use it...almost everyday. but really, all it did was keep me occupied so that for a few days i didn't think about the inevitable. this quilt didn't improve anyone's life or anything. it was just a project. a wast of time? i don't know. maybe to some people. and now i am starting another project. i thought i would try to make a watercolor quilt. the ones i have seen are simply beautiful. i have been buying small cuts of all kinds of fabric. washing it. pressing it. cutting it into 2" squares. i am excited. but is it just a waste of time? shawn says if it makes me happy then it isn't. maybe i can improve the world some other time. right now, i just need to get through one day at a time.

for mother's day

i wasn't going to write about mother's day for reasons i care not to discuss. so, here are the reasons i love being a mom:

• i can sleep late (well, i could when anna wasn't in school)
• i can make mac & cheese and the kids love my cooking
• i can buy toys for myself disguising them as toys for the kids
• i always feel wanted (whether i want to be wanted or not)
• i get to tell them what to do (not that they will always do it)
• they think i am pretty and tell me so
• they love my singing and sing with me
• the kids love to hug and snuggle and so do i
• the kids are soooo forgiving
• i get to see things from a different perspective
• they make me smile and laugh
• they are mine. i am their only mother. they belong to me and they love me.

now, there are many other reasons i love being a mom but right now they seem to have escaped me (see previous post). i am really trying to focus on the positive. our cute relief society president said a few weeks ago that we as women and especially as moms seem to always compare ourselves with other women. she made this great point of when we compare ourselves with others we compare our worst self with their best self. and when we do that we always come out on the losing end. i am going to be kinder to myself. i need it. and my family needs it.

forget-me-knots

i have been forgetting everything lately. important things. likely telling the mom of the little girl i babysit that she would be at someone else's house today. and i forgot that i had made appointments (two of them) and i didn't go leaving the appointees hanging. i forget other things too. names. names of people, places, movies, songs. things i should know. last night i could not remember the name of a movie. i made shawn get out of bed and look it up. the fugitive. really. i could remember that it was named after someone who was running from the law. but not the fugitive. it doesn't seem like something that important but it makes me feel so dumb. i know these things and i just can't remember.

anna and me

anna is definitely her mother's daughter. here are just some of our similarities:

• we sing in the car and we sing loud
• we dance around the house
• when shawn finally gets settled down to watch a show, we both seem to always ask for a drink or a treat and typically we whine (he is good too, he usually gets us what we "need")
• we are both pretty social creatures
• we always want to be involved in some kind of a project
• she looks just like me when i was her age
• she is terrified to get in trouble (not at home, but anywhere else--school)
• we are sensitive
• we don't like to pick up
• we are touchy, huggy people
• we are particular about food
• we yell at the tv thinking the people will hear us and do what we are telling them to do (run!...move!...he's coming!)--it is quite hilarious to watch anna watch a new show
• we sometimes organize but mostly we are just unorganized--scattered

i love you anna. i am so glad you are mine. happy birthday (i know, this is late...)

my girl

my boy

only because it's spring!

here are the darlings on easter morn. i wish it was closer because then you could see my fine handy work. i made anna's dress this year. i am quite impressed with myself. she looked so darling. and mikey, well, he is always just cute. i bought his clothes at target. not nearly as cute. but then i don't know that he would appreciate a homemade knitted vest (i don't know how to knit anyway). aren't they lovely?




so really i am not much of a picture taker but i am now learning. last year i thought i dug out all my tulip bulbs because i heard that is what you are suppose to do. well, i never replanted them. but what to my wondering eyes did appear this spring? i was really so happy. a few bulbs popped up and surprised me. spring would have been terribly dreadful with out them.

would someone maybe leave a comment to see if i fixed the problem? anyone? anyone? shawn?

shivers and shockers

so i am discontinuing my use of effexor (as mentioned before). i decided to do a little research on it last night. i read about it some what before i actually started taking it. all i remembered was that it was not too fun to come off of. well, i am learning that. and really effexor has caused some of my other health concerns such as vertigo. apparently, that is a rare, but not too uncommon side effect.
my sisters and so forth were laughing at me a couple of months ago when i told them i could not get up on the ladder because i thought and felt like i had vertigo. well sisses, who's laughing now. okay, i know you are still laughing, and probably even harder.
but as for feeling more depressed, it is also a side effect of the "discontinuing effects". and those awful, hateful, mean, mean, mean headaches that i thought were migraines, well they are side effects as well. one sight called them "brain shivers" and another "brain shockers". well, they are completely right.
but i am really trying to keep going. so days are better than others. today has been a decent day. i did laundry and started to clean my room. i don't know if it will get finished, but i don't care at this point.

indications that i really am always overheated:

• i take cold showers. not freezing, but definately cool. and in the winter on really cold days, i may take a warm shower but i open the bathroom window a bit.
• i dry my hair on the "cool" setting.
• my heater, in the winter, is never set above 60 degrees. unless, of course, my in-laws come to town and think they can touch my thermostat without even asking! (at least now i won't feel like i have violated some unstated rule about touching others' themostats when they have their air set at 80 degrees in the summer in mesquite where the low in the summer time is around 100 degrees).
• those who frequent my house always come with a sweater which they never remove and a heavy winter coat--even in the summer.
• the heater in my car doesn't work (okay, it really does but i don't use it--except if the kids are in the car--but then i roll down my window a bit--it really all works out).
• i am okay with where flipflops in the winter.
• i never wear black on purpose (i have one skirt that is black to wear to church and one sweater to wear on cold winter nights when we are going somewear).
• i am ready to turn on my air (swamp cooler) and not turn it off until october or november--we have to cover it up before the snow comes. at least that is what shawn says.
• i don't cook (really that is for numerous reasons, not just that i don't like heat)
• i get heat stroke in stores (they are always too warm).

so, i decided that i can no longer live this way. i am weening myself (with doctor supervision) off the effexor. i have been hot for over a year now. it has to stop. in the meantime, i suppose i will have to deal with the ups and downs. hopefully something can be done to help my depression and not make me hot. if anyone has any ideas, let me know please.

nocturnal thoughts

really, they need a place to play and torment other than in my head, at night...when i am trying to sleep.

Granite School District Bus #417
what is it doing at the drug house (kiddy-corner from the back of my house) between the hours of 9 am and 2 or 3 pm almost daily? plus, it was there this evening when i got home around 5 pm. i hope the school kids are okay.

Put On Display
if everyone had to display all their faults, mistakes and all other bad things on a marquee that followed them everywhere they went, i wonder if we would all be a little nicer to each other? maybe i would even be nicer to myself.

Siesta Sac
where are we going to put that six foot monster. it was great when we had more room. anyone want it?

doctors
-i am suppose to have a scope done but the office never called and never has called me back.
-we (me, anna, michael, and shawn) all need dentist appointments. i can see rotting holes in each of my children's mouths. and my teeth hurt. i especially can't eat cold things.
-i need to go see jody to fix my drug problems. sooner than later.

do you see how many calls i need to make and appointments to arrange? and when one doesn't call back, well, that doesn't help my anxiety at all. i did make an appointment with jody for last week but i cancelled it. and i did get alice in to see the vet finally. three hundred eleven dollars later, she is spayed, de-clawed and vaccinated. so, i guess at least one in the family got seen. i just don't like to arrange all the appointments. it really gives me anxiety.

SCHOOL DAYS
where in the world should i send my kids next year? got any ideas? i just don't know.


so, do you see what keeps me up at night. and those are just the ones i remember right now. i know there are a million other things. perhaps one day, they too, will have a permenant place to live.

gabby gourmet at her best

i bought new pans today. nice good and expensive (at least for me) pans. i told shawn i want to start to cook more. and he said "and you think new pans will help you?" well, of course i do. but, i am not sure what to make. so i was thinking we just as well eat out tonight. tomorrow will be good. i just know it.

who likes getting a refund on their taxes?

so really, who waits until the actual tax due date to file their taxes when they are getting a refund? me, that's who. they have even been done for a least a month. i think i am getting depressed.

will dool ding

does anybody know where michael's "will dool ding" (real cool thing) is? he is missing his "will dool ding". let me know please. thanks.

barbed-wire fence not included

so, i was really excited to go to bed last night. (really, i am excited every night because i LOVE to sleep, but last night really i was really excited). we got a new memory foam mattress topper for our bed. i had pictures of me floating on clouds all nestled down with fluff and foam supporting my every pressure point. WRONG! and boy was i deceived. i forgot to read the fine print. it read:

"this memory foam mattress topper is only so good. it does not keep or even try to keep little elbows, knees, feet, etc. from climbing into your bed. this memory foam mattress topper can only do so much to keep you safe and warm and comforted for an entire night's sleep. YOU and only YOU are in charge of keeping unwanted things or little people out of your bed. sorry."

i want my money back. rather i want a lock. and maybe some duck tape. i hear you can do anything with duck tape. or maybe some dimetapp would do. got any ideas?

i am still deciding if i should be excited to go to bed tonight.