shivers and shockers

so i am discontinuing my use of effexor (as mentioned before). i decided to do a little research on it last night. i read about it some what before i actually started taking it. all i remembered was that it was not too fun to come off of. well, i am learning that. and really effexor has caused some of my other health concerns such as vertigo. apparently, that is a rare, but not too uncommon side effect.
my sisters and so forth were laughing at me a couple of months ago when i told them i could not get up on the ladder because i thought and felt like i had vertigo. well sisses, who's laughing now. okay, i know you are still laughing, and probably even harder.
but as for feeling more depressed, it is also a side effect of the "discontinuing effects". and those awful, hateful, mean, mean, mean headaches that i thought were migraines, well they are side effects as well. one sight called them "brain shivers" and another "brain shockers". well, they are completely right.
but i am really trying to keep going. so days are better than others. today has been a decent day. i did laundry and started to clean my room. i don't know if it will get finished, but i don't care at this point.

indications that i really am always overheated:

• i take cold showers. not freezing, but definately cool. and in the winter on really cold days, i may take a warm shower but i open the bathroom window a bit.
• i dry my hair on the "cool" setting.
• my heater, in the winter, is never set above 60 degrees. unless, of course, my in-laws come to town and think they can touch my thermostat without even asking! (at least now i won't feel like i have violated some unstated rule about touching others' themostats when they have their air set at 80 degrees in the summer in mesquite where the low in the summer time is around 100 degrees).
• those who frequent my house always come with a sweater which they never remove and a heavy winter coat--even in the summer.
• the heater in my car doesn't work (okay, it really does but i don't use it--except if the kids are in the car--but then i roll down my window a bit--it really all works out).
• i am okay with where flipflops in the winter.
• i never wear black on purpose (i have one skirt that is black to wear to church and one sweater to wear on cold winter nights when we are going somewear).
• i am ready to turn on my air (swamp cooler) and not turn it off until october or november--we have to cover it up before the snow comes. at least that is what shawn says.
• i don't cook (really that is for numerous reasons, not just that i don't like heat)
• i get heat stroke in stores (they are always too warm).

so, i decided that i can no longer live this way. i am weening myself (with doctor supervision) off the effexor. i have been hot for over a year now. it has to stop. in the meantime, i suppose i will have to deal with the ups and downs. hopefully something can be done to help my depression and not make me hot. if anyone has any ideas, let me know please.

nocturnal thoughts

really, they need a place to play and torment other than in my head, at night...when i am trying to sleep.

Granite School District Bus #417
what is it doing at the drug house (kiddy-corner from the back of my house) between the hours of 9 am and 2 or 3 pm almost daily? plus, it was there this evening when i got home around 5 pm. i hope the school kids are okay.

Put On Display
if everyone had to display all their faults, mistakes and all other bad things on a marquee that followed them everywhere they went, i wonder if we would all be a little nicer to each other? maybe i would even be nicer to myself.

Siesta Sac
where are we going to put that six foot monster. it was great when we had more room. anyone want it?

doctors
-i am suppose to have a scope done but the office never called and never has called me back.
-we (me, anna, michael, and shawn) all need dentist appointments. i can see rotting holes in each of my children's mouths. and my teeth hurt. i especially can't eat cold things.
-i need to go see jody to fix my drug problems. sooner than later.

do you see how many calls i need to make and appointments to arrange? and when one doesn't call back, well, that doesn't help my anxiety at all. i did make an appointment with jody for last week but i cancelled it. and i did get alice in to see the vet finally. three hundred eleven dollars later, she is spayed, de-clawed and vaccinated. so, i guess at least one in the family got seen. i just don't like to arrange all the appointments. it really gives me anxiety.

SCHOOL DAYS
where in the world should i send my kids next year? got any ideas? i just don't know.


so, do you see what keeps me up at night. and those are just the ones i remember right now. i know there are a million other things. perhaps one day, they too, will have a permenant place to live.

gabby gourmet at her best

i bought new pans today. nice good and expensive (at least for me) pans. i told shawn i want to start to cook more. and he said "and you think new pans will help you?" well, of course i do. but, i am not sure what to make. so i was thinking we just as well eat out tonight. tomorrow will be good. i just know it.

who likes getting a refund on their taxes?

so really, who waits until the actual tax due date to file their taxes when they are getting a refund? me, that's who. they have even been done for a least a month. i think i am getting depressed.

will dool ding

does anybody know where michael's "will dool ding" (real cool thing) is? he is missing his "will dool ding". let me know please. thanks.

barbed-wire fence not included

so, i was really excited to go to bed last night. (really, i am excited every night because i LOVE to sleep, but last night really i was really excited). we got a new memory foam mattress topper for our bed. i had pictures of me floating on clouds all nestled down with fluff and foam supporting my every pressure point. WRONG! and boy was i deceived. i forgot to read the fine print. it read:

"this memory foam mattress topper is only so good. it does not keep or even try to keep little elbows, knees, feet, etc. from climbing into your bed. this memory foam mattress topper can only do so much to keep you safe and warm and comforted for an entire night's sleep. YOU and only YOU are in charge of keeping unwanted things or little people out of your bed. sorry."

i want my money back. rather i want a lock. and maybe some duck tape. i hear you can do anything with duck tape. or maybe some dimetapp would do. got any ideas?

i am still deciding if i should be excited to go to bed tonight.