*note on effexor*

if you can avoid going on effexor...make it your last option. it was mine but still.

so, my last dose of effexor i thought was last thursday. i have been dragging this weaning-off since at least the beginning of april. over 8 freaking crazy sick weeks. my last week of the smallest possible dose of 37.5 mg went pretty well. i felt good. so, i felt good about my last dose. until saturday. at first, i got paranoid that i might be pregnant...but it was much worse that simple "morning" sickness. i think i would have rather gone through 9 months of my morning sickness than go through what i just went through the past 3 or 4 days. violently ill is an understatement. and the crazy thing is is that i wasn't depressed. just ill. metally i feel good--so far. my symptoms included:

• nausea
• vomiting...everything, even some organs i think
• cold sweats
• hot sweats
• more vomiting
• uncontrollable crying (i know it sounds normal for me but really the tears just came and came and came and came...for no reason)
• more nausea
• pain all over... so much that it would wake me when i did manage to close my eyes for a moment
• crawling skin (it is such as creepy feeling--especially on my head, maybe i should have asked shawn to look for lice)
• shocks throughout my body all the time
• dizziness
• dizziness even when i was laying down
• constant anxiety
• extreme fatigue
• irrational thinking (paranoia shawn was going to leave me...maybe it wasn't paranoia, maybe he couldn't deal with me either)
• confusion--i could not think straight and i could not hear at times. someone would say something to me and i knew they were but i could not register what they were saying--shawn repeated himself numerous times and sometimes i still didn't get it.
• vivid dreams/nightmares--someone i know could not bury their dead dogs in the back yard because he said the mommy dog would dig them up and she would go crazy. so, he kept them in a bedroom in his basement in the corner of the room. the dogs were BIG dogs--BIG. and that is just part of one of my dreams
• no energy but the desire to do and do but then i would just vomit
• severe headaches--blinding headaches--nothing happened but i probably should not have driven to the doctor yesterday
• did i mention vomiting?

so, needless to say i went back on yesterday. we are going to try going off slower. every other day for a week then we get more meticulous and try going by hours. example: monday at 8 am then wednesday at 12 pm then friday at 8 pm. and we try doing that for a week or so. i don't even know if i got that right. good thing i got shawn to help keep it all straight. i may even just end up staying on the last dose for a little longer. i don't know. anywho, don't feel sorry for me. i feel okay today. in fact after i took it yesterday at 4 pm i felt dramatically improved by about 8 pm. so, there's my story for the last few days.

and it is just my story. others are probably different. this is just my own experience. i went on effexor and i believe it saved my life. going off it is horrific. but if i had to i would go on it again. perhaps i would do things a bit different. but i love being alive and i love being happy.