a.m. ramble

This might be a ramble and a rant seeing as how it is 4:40 am and i have been awake for almost 2 hours. I should be asleep. I want to be asleep. However, without the proper medication, sleeping is hardly an option (I purposely miss 2 or so days every once in awhile so I don't have to take a higher dose...it seems to work our just fine).
So on these nights that i am awake in the wee-wee hours of the morning, I usually try and do something productive and usually it involves cleaning. But this time i haven't been in the mood for cleaning. I have really wanted to be asleep. I tried for an hour and a half to no avail. My mind is spinning rapidly jumping from one thought to another to another. It is a bit annoying. So here are some random thoughts that need a place.

A few friends of mine here in the ward are moving. I am a bit sad because I am pretty sure I will lose contact with at least one or two of them. I like having friends. I value my friendships. I need friendships. And as an adult I have come to realize and painstakingly accept that people come and go in our lives. I hate the going. It is so hard to keep in touch. Everyone has their own lives to lead and if the relationships aren't convenient, it seems they tend to disappear. It makes me sad.
About a month or so ago I thought I would try to renew a friendship. It didn't go so well. I felt like I was so brave and I walked away feeling sheepish. I wanted so much for a connection again. But I was crushed and heartbroken. She didn't seem at all excited about me contacting her. I don't know. It wasn't what I had expected. I guess people come in our lives for a time and then they go. They come to do what needs to be done and that's it? I don't know. Perhaps the timing was all wrong. But I tried. What else can I do? I sit and try and spectulate why it didn't seem to matter but that has gotten me no where. So now, I leave it to rest.

New subject. I was wondering tonight if I am afraid of natural disasters happening. I don't think so and then I think maybe I should be. I mean I am living on a fault line. We have some food storage and I am getting extra meds to keep on hand. I suppose I should get 72 hour kits. I remember going up into one of the cottonwood canyons on a 6th grade field trip. Our teacher told us about the fault line and the possibility of a huge earthquake happening in the next fifty years. I remember I thought I would just move away in about 45 years. Well, I still have 15 or so years left so I suppose I won't worry to much. George Nory had a guy on the show tonight that discussed the happenings of natural disasters. Okay, so maybe he thinks he predicts them. But, there was no mention of an earthquake in Utah. I was going to call and ask about it but then I remembered it is not played live at 3 am. Maybe I will just send an email. Or maybe, I should just stop listening. Nah. I like it too much. Shawn hates it. I am glad it's on when he is asleep.

A week from today we will be flying into Seattle for our cruise. I am so excited. I am excited to go to Seattle again. That's where we went on our honeymoon. I loved it. We are thinking about doing lunch or dinner again at the Space Needle. They had the best rolls. Yum.

I thought I had Mikey potty trained. But he will not poop in the toilet. ARGH! I am going to try pull-ups. He can potty just fine. But pooping is another thing. I don't think he knows how to push just sitting down. You see, he has a "pooping stance". It is much like the position a catcher in baseball uses. He has one knee folded under him and the other knee up. I have thought about seeing if he could do this on the toilet but I just can't even picture it. So, I think pull-ups will be cheaper than underwear. At least for the time being. ARGH!

Okay, I think I have decided to take a xanax and go lay down. I will not function if I don't get some sleep before the kids wake-up. Hopefully they will sleep in.

TTFN